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[ Since reverting to his normal human body and returning to their residence, Yusuke has spent most of his time either in his room or out of the house. While his outward attitude has remained neutral, his discomfort with what happened is crystal clear from his avoidant behavior - avoiding the topic with Akira and turning down invitations to spend time together.

But, a few days into the Rag'nbogi festival, Yusuke comes home late one night, covered in various colors of powder and paint. He walks straight to his room like normal, but a few minutes later, he sends a message to Akira's mobile device. ]

Akira... Are you busy at the moment?

[Akira's been worried about Yusuke since he disappeared that night, but he's elected to give him some space - and it's been pretty easy, since so many of his other friends have suddenly arrived, to occupy his time making sure they're alright and settled.

But he hasn't forgotten Yusuke, and when he sees the text, he immediately stops what he was doing to answer.]

I'm just walking around the festival. What's up?

If possible, I would like to speak with you privately. I'm sorry to interrupt your enjoyment of the festival, but could you return home briefly?

Of course. I'm on my way.

[And he'll be there about twenty minutes later, entering their apartment quietly.]

I'm home.

[ Yusuke is sitting on the couch, barefoot, his hands folded loosely in his lap. He's changed into clean clothing, but he washed up hastily - there's still evidence of power dusting in his hair and paint smudged on his face.

When the door opens, his head snaps up, and he watches him enter silently. Alright... better late than never. ]

Welcome back. Thank you, for returning. [ he hesitates briefly before motioning to the couch beside him. ] Akira... unless you need to do anything first, please, take a seat.

[ Despite how softly he's speaking, Yusuke looks good compared to the last few weeks. There's color in his face and he isn't shying away from looking Akira in the eye. ]

[That is certainly an improvement! Akira is happy to see his friend looking less haggard than he has the last few weeks.

He comes over to sit next to him, not so close that he's in Yusuke's space, but close enough that their knees could bump together.]

Are you doing alright, Yusuke?

[That's what he'll ask first. He certainly seems better, but...]

[ Yusuke watches him sit. When he ultimately settles, only for them to nearly be touching, Yusuke's gaze idles on the gap between their knees as he remembers the night they transformed. Akira's question forces him to look up again. ]

... Yes, I am. [ nod. ] Or, I should say, I'm doing far better now than I was.

[ But as much as Yusuke could tell him how he's been for the past month, he's eager to get to the point. After a deep breath, he holds a hand out to Akira. ]

I want to apologize for what happened last month, on that night. While I know it wasn't within our control, I still feel responsible for my own actions to some degree. And... I'm sorry for being so distant towards you since then. It was cowardly.

[Ah, so he's worried about that, still... Akira was afraid of that. But at least he's talking now, and that's encouraging.

He takes Yusuke's hand, feeling the increasingly familiar warm feeling of manna being built in response to the physical touch. But that isn't what's important right now - what's important is being there for Yusuke.]

It's okay. You were... processing a lot. [And really, Akira was too, it's just that he has a lot of experience suppressing everything.

Not that he's going to say that out loud.]

I'm not upset about it. But I'm glad you're back.

[He means that.]

[ Yusuke is just the opposite - terrible at ignoring his emotions. If there's any maladaptive thought process he excels at, it's denial, and he's been doing his best to stop that for months now.

In this case, while it did take a few weeks, he is finally putting his emotions out there where they can't be ignored anymore. ]

...Thank you. [ Akira's answer is short and simple, but the warm, honeylike glow between their hands and the faint notion of forgiveness that Yusuke senses in its wake says more than any number of words could. His expression softens into a smile and he sighs deeply again, but this time, relieved.

That isn't everything, though. Yusuke has his own questions. He squeezes Akira's hand gently and leans back against the couch. ]

After I left, were you alright? What did you do?

[It's alright, he knows this is something Yusuke deals with. He's willing to be patient with him while he works it out, because he wants to be there for Yusuke, no matter what's going on with him. Art block, monster transformations... all of it.

But then Yusuke leans back against the couch and asks him that, and now Akira is the one put on the spot. And it's not like he wants to lie to Yusuke, but...

It's kind of embarrassing.]

Nothing much... [A lie.] But I did... lose control of myself for a bit.

[He reaches up with his free hand and plays with his bangs.]

I... did something I'm not proud of.

Edited (idk where that extra word came from) 2021-04-09 03:32 (UTC)

[ That is - an unexpected answer. Yusuke blinks, somewhat taken aback at the mere thought that Akira could have gone through something similar to him. Nothing had given him that impression, although admittedly, he's kept to himself until now. How selfish of him...! If only he'd known that his dear friend might need some support of his own! ]

What happened?

[ Yusuke asks gently, his voice low and soft. Now that the surprise has passed, he realizes that this may not be so strange at all. Akira has had a lot of practice keeping his struggles to himself. Yusuke looked away and denied the things he saw in order to cope in those situations... Akira chose to simply say nothing and keep wearing a calm facade instead.

But neither of them are alone anymore. Yusuke is grateful every day for that! If there's anything he can do for Akira, he's determined to do it. ]

...If you need to, you can tell me. No matter what happened.

[It's hardly Yusuke's fault that he didn't know - Akira didn't really want to talk about it, anyway. And he's very, very good at not talking about things when he doesn't want to.

Unfortunately, he's had quite a bit of practice.

Now, though, he struggles. He doesn't want anyone knowing what happened, but at the same time... this isn't the same as the interrogation, or his first arrest. This isn't something he's keeping quiet so as not to worry the others, or because he'd rather just move on. He doesn't want Yusuke to know because... because he might think worse of him.

And so he pushes himself to speak, because if punishment is coming, maybe he deserves it.]

I... grabbed a woman off the street. I tried to drag her away.

[He looks down, fiddles with his glasses so Yusuke can't see his eyes.]

I wanted to protect her, but... in the end, she needed protection from me.

[He falls silent at that, further words stuck in his throat.]

[ Yusuke listens quietly, no emotion more severe than his preexisting concern rising to his face. When Akira goes quiet, seemingly more interested in his glasses than providing any further details, he knows he's done and those details aren't going to come. He looks away thoughtfully, to take any pressure off his friend, and to take a moment to choose his words. ]

...I did largely the same sort of thing. Essentially the exact same. [ He hadn't planned on admitting that so explicitly to Akira, especially not so quickly, but it clearly needed to be said now. Yusuke grasps his hand firmly, dead set on keeping the physical bridge between them intact. ]

Do you feel ashamed?

[ When he asks, he keeps his eyes downward as to not make to question too confrontational, and adds, ] I did. For weeks. I thought myself no better than the people whose hearts we change.

[ He can hardly imagine how Akira must feel, considering his history. ]

[Akira doesn't pull away from Yusuke's hand. He keeps it held, even as he can't quite meet his friend's eyes.]

...I do.

[And he hates that Yusuke did the same, as well. He wishes he'd been in his right mind, that he had been able to fight it, to spare both himself and Yusuke this pain now.]

I felt... the same, for awhile. But I pushed it away.

[At least, enough that he could keep functioning. He's good at that.]

But I think... that shame is what makes us different. From them.

[Never mind that they were being manipulated by a god, again. Boy, Akira is getting tired of that.]

Yes.

[ That's the same conclusion that Makoto helped Yusuke come to, that gave him the courage to talk to Akira again. Without any doubt, he should have spoken to Akira about this sooner.

But, he has his chance now to help him. ]

When that difference occurred to me, it was like a eureka moment. [ With a shake of his head, he looks back up at Akira, hoping he'll meet his eyes. ] Madarame committed deplorable acts. He trampled dreams, destroyed lives... let my mother die, in the name of nothing more than financial gain! The only second thoughts he gave to his actions were to concoct excuses and justifications.

[ Despite all the doubts Yusuke still has about himself and the world, he's never doubted his fundamental difference from Madarame. When he thought about it, that difference is moral, ethical, emotional... something that speaks to one's soul and character. What Makoto said then, and what Akira said just now, is exactly the truth. ]

You're nothing like that, Akira. You mustn't punish yourself.

[And Akira probably would have argued, if it hadn't been one of his dear friends, and if saying so wouldn't condemn them, too, but...

When the words come out of Yusuke's mouth, they wash over him, and he realizes that he needed to hear this - that he's not like Shido or anyone else, that it's okay to forgive himself.

He sighs, closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them, they're lighter, more determined.]

Thank you, Yusuke.

[He means it, sincerely.]

And I'm glad you know that, too. That you're nothing like that, either.

[ Yusuke leans forward and clasps his other hand over Akira's knuckles and fingers. Although it's a bit strange to admit it to himself, it feels wonderful to hear Akira thank him. All of this feels wonderful: cradling his hand, meeting his determined gaze, speaking his honest thoughts and providing some comfort to the one he could always rely on to do the same for him.

The subtle sense of peace and pleasure warming his body is a giveaway that Manna is influencing him right now, but... after the terrible circumstances their other experience with Synchrony together occurred under so far, this is a substantial upgrade. ]

Akira...

[ Should he bring it up? Yusuke closes his eyes, deliberating. On one hand, he's grateful it didn't go as far with Akira as it regrettably did with some others he encountered while he was feral. On the other... if they really must go through with such activities in this place... ]

...In the future, if you need to Synchronize with anyone, you can ask me. I will be happy to assist you. [ He opens his eyes to look to Akira again, a quiet calm settling on his features. ] The time we spent embracing each other after we transformed... I enjoyed it. If you have any doubts about whether it made me uncomfortable, there's no need.

Hey.

I need to show you something. I'd rather do it in person, if that's alright. It has something to do with a memory trinket I got this month.

...Oh.

[In some way, he wasn't expecting that - at least, not in the way Yusuke phrased it. Of course he's happy to Synchronize with his friends when they need it, but it can be done with something as simple as holding hands. What they were doing before, when they transformed... it was definitely a bit more intimate than just holding hands like they are now, but...

Well, Akira didn't mind it either. Not if it makes himself and Yusuke feel good.

His face breaks into a smile.]

I'm glad it didn't. And I'm happy to help you too... I didn't mind it either, but it'd be nice to do it when we aren't all... monstery.

[Wings and tails and extra arms... it's surprisingly more cuddly than he expected, but still not optimal.

Speaking of, though...]

...Do you want a hug right now?

[Why not, right?]

Sure. Let me know where to meet you.

[He’s curious!]

Edited 2021-04-30 22:49 (UTC)

My house. I'll send you the coordinates.

[A mansion is more like it, found in the rich district. It's way too large for him and this may be why he needs some company in it, even if it's just for an hour or two. He'll wait for Akira doing what he does best - stress baking. There might be a large amount of Japanese-inspired foods by the time the other arrives.]

[Whoa. This is... definitely a "house." Akira is impressed.

He lets himself in (could Yu even hear him knock?), smelling the baking. It's nice.]

Hello?

[He does look a little surprised to see Akira, so probably not right now. It's still hard getting used to something this big, considering he's lived in various small apartments with his parents. His uncle's house was probably the biggest place he'd been in.]

Hey. I'm in the kitchen.

[As if somehow the baking smells hadn't been a clue. Akira will find him there sitting on the end of a kitchen table, drinks and food laid out along with a fancy little golden compact mirror.]

I hope I didn't make it sound ominous...it's just...something really strange happened when I tried to recall some memories.

No, it's fine. [He calls as he walks.] Something happened when you tried to recall...

[He comes in, surveying the table. Wow, that's... quite a lot.]

...Are you throwing a party?

[Maybe the memories thing is more important, and he is curious, but he's also looking at all the food.]

Yes, I feel the same way. Especially if we must go through with it anyway.

[ Yusuke's quiet calm wavers only slightly at the offer of a hug, with his eyebrows lifting in consideration. He flashes back to that day in January, months ago, when he poured his heart out to Akira in his dormitory bedroom about Maruki revealing the ugly, shameful truth - that he isn't over Madarame, and still wished for a happy, loving relationship with him, deep down. He'd wanted to hug him so badly back then, but didn't have the courage to ask permission, nor do so without permission.

Yusuke looks away, unable to hide the sheepish smile creeping onto his face. He lets go of Akira's hands, tentatively ready to open his arms and accept a hug. ]

Yes, I would.

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Mid-March

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text; un; purrsuing

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rly sorry for the wait - i'm ok to either drop or continue, up to you!